It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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