So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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