She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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