i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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