Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
