I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
