i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
