You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
