I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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