PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
