So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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