i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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