apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
