I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
