LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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