Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
