I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
