2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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