mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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