garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
