just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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