My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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