dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need to align my fucking chakras
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