there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
