I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
