just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
