Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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