Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
