Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you had me at cake vodka
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
