i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
