Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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