i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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