I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
