you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
