I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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