Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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