forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
