If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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