they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
