Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
