I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
