At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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