We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
