Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
