There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
