we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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