if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
