Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
