im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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