This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
