I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
