you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
